Scattered

I am not normal, in terms of  how I think. I didn't realize this until after I'd graduated high school. In fact, it was some years after graduation, not so long ago. My brain works differently (I like to think that is the "normal" among artists and creatives). We see the world in a different way; we have unique opinions. Not everyone understands me, or why I think of some of the things I do. I have a bad habit of looking back, but the view has improved. I used to see a life that I wanted but could never have...now, I see those things and that life that I wanted was something so much the antithesis of what I do have, and I can't imagine even wanting anything different.

I am my own worst enemy. I can make myself think that I have no idea what I'm doing or what I want to do. I can see something that gives me a shot of inspiration, and then second-guess myself. I can tell myself that I have nothing of interest to tell anybody, that nothing is new, nothing has changed, so why bother write a blog entry.

I was looking at some art-related stuff online this morning, and I came across the name of David Carson, a graphic design legend. (No, I'd never heard of him before this morning). Really, it was kind of accidental, because I was looking at Wikipedia's article on typography, and he was mentioned as a trailblazer in the use of unconventional typography. Then I found his website and...I was blown away. I could have been intimidated; there was a time when that would have very easily intimidated me.

Instead, I (very pleasantly) found myself thinking that if he could do it, I could too; that he had to start somewhere, and that there is always plenty of room in the art world for new artists, new ideas, new concepts...opinions...techniques...people like me can learn from well-seasoned professionals such as David Carson and his colleagues.

Wow. I just read back over that. It seems a bit scattered  :)  but, I'm not going to change it. That is another part of who I am.

To be honest, I spent a good part of my life trying to change who I was, ashamed, because others did not like me, or because I was invisible. It took me a very long time to realize that those people were the ones with the problem, not me.

I've been guilty of it too, judging somebody based on a first glance, not really knowing them. I've come to know some of those people, and you know what? Most of them end up being really nice and being your friend.

And it still stands to reason today that I shouldn't have to change myself in order for someone to like me. Just be sure before you decide you don't like me (or anybody), or that there is something about me you don't like, that you've taken the time to at least try to get to know me.

I'm still learning, still trying to re-train my brain to think differently, in terms of myself, and in terms of other people. I try to remember when exactly it was that I became all jaded and cynical and judgmental about everything and everyone...I suppose it doesn't matter when it happened. All that matters is that I'm trying not to be that way anymore.